Legal Tidbits

When using your friend’s urine to pass a drug test, drug test your friend first.

When facing charges for stealing a car, don’t wear your “Drive It Like You Stole It” t-shirt.

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe without no heir.

Your word truly is your bond. Verbal contracts are a thing.

Do not plan your next felony over the pay phone in your jail cell next to the sign that reads, “All phone calls are monitored and recorded.”

Fantasy football is still fantasy. So if you tackle someone in real life, it’s still an assault.

Lost Will = No Will

Driving 5 mph slower than the car driving 100 mph doesn’t mean you weren’t speeding.

“F**k him!” does not count as a response to a settlement offer.

It is illegal to place a GPS tracker on your spouse’s vehicle without permission.

Your bartender tells you what you want to hear. Your lawyer tells you what you need to hear.

Think of legal forms companies like the plumbing section of Home Depot and ask yourself, “Do I really know what the hell I’m doing, or should I hire a pro?”