October 9, 2018In the future, please say “I object!” rather than “That’s total bulls**t!”
October 2, 2018When facing charges for stealing a car, don’t wear your “Drive It Like You Stole It” t-shirt.
September 20, 2018Do not plan your next felony over the pay phone in your jail cell next to the sign that reads, “All phone calls are monitored and recorded.”
September 18, 2018Fantasy football is still fantasy. So if you tackle someone in real life, it’s still an assault.
September 11, 2018Driving 5 mph slower than the car driving 100 mph doesn’t mean you weren’t speeding.
August 30, 2018Your bartender tells you what you want to hear. Your lawyer tells you what you need to hear.