When giving sworn testimony, "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" is not a multiple-choice question.

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You can’t lie to a nun.

Read what your attorney sends you.

I’ve had two cases recently where people hid condoms in their "special occasion" shoes. Is this a thing?

You can only represent someone else in court if you're an attorney. In other words, don't send your mom, dad, or girlfriend to speak for you.

After stealing someone's debit card, do not use it to pay your home utilities. Unless you wanted to give a deputy directions to your house.

It’s perfectly legal to be a jerk. It’s also perfectly legal for the Judge to treat you like one.